Chapter 25

“You sure this is ok?” 

“Roman?” 

“What?” 

“Do you want to kiss or not.” 

“Thorn!” 

“What?  I thought you …” 

“I know what you think I’m thinking.  And God help me I am.  But geez.  I don’t want you to think it’s the only reason.  And then there’s Bean.” 

“Roman?” 

“What?” 

“Stop acting like your hair is on fire and come do whatever it takes to put it out.” 

“Oh gawd.  Are you sure?” 

“Would you rather I prove it and kiss you first?” 

“Oh gawd.” 

--------------------------------------------- 

“I’m dead.” 

“What?” 

“I’m dead.  There is no way for me to feel this good and still be alive.” 

“Really?  ‘Cause you seem pretty lively to me.” 

“Thorn are you really sure?  Are you really sure this is ok?” 

“Roman?” 

“What?” 

“I think your hair needs putting out again.  Need some help?” 

“Aw gawd.  I’m dead.  That’s the only possible explanation.” 

------------------------------------- 

I woke up needing to go to the bathroom.  I was also sore.  When I tried to roll over I accidently moaned then jumped when I felt hands on me. 

“Thorn?” 

His clothes were scratchy against my skin.  “Wha …?” 

“Are you ok?  Need to get up?” 

“Outhouse.  Now.” 

“Everything is frozen.  I put a bucket of sawdust in the old bathroom at the end of the hall.” 

“Fine.  Anything.  Just NOW.” 

By the time I was finished I realized I’d never been so cold.  Even the mandatory winter baths at Mother Mary’s were balmy and tropical compared to this.   

“Back in bed.  Hey, why are you limping?” 

“I … I’m sore.” 

“Oh.  Oh man.  Are you ok?  I mean …” 

“Don’t.  I can’t put your hair out right now.  I gotta rest first.” 

“That’s not what I meant.  Thorn I’m so sorry.  You should have said something.  What can I do?  Should … should I get someone?” 

The idea actually made me nauseous and I shook my head and put him straight.  “You didn’t hurt me.  I’m always sore.  Just before it’s because I fought.  I’ve … I’ve never been willing before.  I don’t know how to do willing right I guess,” I told him feeling depressed. 

“Not … not even with …” 

“Alex?  No.  And I don’t want to talk about the others either.  Ever.” 

“Oh.” 

 I hadn’t meant to sound so mean about it so I explained, “I’m sorry Roman.  I know you don’t mean anything by it but … Roman a lot of them picked me because it got around that I’d fight.  And that’s … that’s what they paid for.  And they all hurt but some of them … they paid extra to hurt me extra or in different ways.  I just don’t want to go back there in any way, even if it is just memories or answering innocent questions.  I … I …” 

“Shhh.  I’m an idiot.  Next time chuck something at my head.  I don’t want to talk about them guys either or I might have to go find them and beat the holy living crap out of them and return their hurt with something permanent.  C’mon.  Get under the covers.  You’re shivering.  We’re going to have to do something about some warmer clothes for you.” 

“I’m … I’m sorry Roman.  I just need to rest.” 

“Shhh …” 

I must have slept a while but it was still dark when I woke up. 

“Huh?” 

I jumped when Roman pulled me back under the covers.  “Stay here.  A storm has come up; pretty bad one.  No sense in getting up.  I’ll get you something to eat.” 

“I’m not really hungry.” 

“How about Bean?  Think you could eat something for Bean?” 

“I … I guess so.”  Roman handed me a mug of some kind of soup but all I could say was, “I’m sorry Roman.  I … I tried but I guess I’m no good at this stuff.  I guess … I guess … Mother Mary was right.  All I’m good for is the rough stuff.  That there must be something wrong with me.” 

“Hey!  Don’t talk like that.  Remember I said it was going to take a while to figure out the bedroom stuff?  I rushed too fast.  Just … dammit … I … I couldn’t seem to get you out of my head.  I looked.” 

“At what?” 

“At you.  That night.  You were so wet and cold I was worried at how pale you were.  I … I took you out of those clothes and wrapped you in covers.  I tried not to look, tried to be a gentleman, tried to ignore Alex making comments, but I did look and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since.  Even knowing how young you are and with a baby on the way you … you took my brain over.  I’ve done nothing but think about you, dream about you.  I was totally pissed and more at Alex.  The more I heard the angrier I got.  But I was mad for another reason.  I wanted … I wanted you Thorn.  Only now … now here you are and I’ve hurt you.  That’s not what I set out to do.” 

“I told you, you didn’t hurt me.  It always hurts.  There was an old woman that used to clean for Mother Mary before she got rid of her.  She said I’d always hurt because I started so young and stayed small.  That’s just the way it’s gonna be I guess.” 

“No.  It’s not gonna be that way.  We’ll figure something out and it ain’t happening again until we do.” 

“Roman …” 

“I mean it.  It’s supposed to be fun for both of us.  For now, let’s just rest.  You’re likely still recovering from … from all the stuff you’ve been through.  And I’m just … wore out … too.  There’s no one around to tell us what to do.  Nothing either one of us has to do right now.  Let’s just … enjoy being warm.” 

He shucked out of his boots and jeans and crawled in bed with me.  I wasn’t embarrassed of him looking at me which was strange because, clothes on or off, I had always hated the men looking at me including Alex. 

“Your skin is so soft.  Did … did I bruise you?  Like on your ankle?” 

“I bruise easy.  I always seem to have them some place.” 

“Hmmm.  When I go hunting I’ll bring you back a liver.  Liver is good for that sort of thing.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to bring you some furs to wear.  You’re so thin … you look all baby in the middle here.  That’s probably why you’re so cold.  Are my hands warm enough.” 

“If your hands were any warmer it would be my hair on fire.” 

“You’re just saying that.” 

“No I’m not.  It’s certainly nothing I’ve said to anyone else.  But …” 

“But we better not.  Not until we figure out some way so that it doesn’t hurt you afterwards.  C’mere.  I can hold you at least so you can be warm … so we both can get warm.”