It scared me that I felt like that but I couldn't help it and for a while I didn't want to help it. It just kinda was and I wanted to kill anyone that tried to tell me otherwise. I knew ... or part of me knew ... that I didn't have any business feeling like that and I still know that I don't have any business feeling like that. But Roman and I are partners. We shook on it. You don't make the kind of deal we have with just anyone Bean. It was only as Roman got better that I was able to stop worrying that I was gonna be alone and out in the cold only to say it like that ... it isn't quite the truth. I worried that I would be alone and out in the cold without Roman. There. I said it.
I won't say it to anyone else. They think I've latched onto Roman for stupid little kid reasons ... like I'm afraid of the dark and he is my wubby or something like that. But I haven't been afraid of the dark for a long, long time. The dark is nothing to be afraid of. Dark isn't nothing but a color. It's what is in the dark that will get you.
I knew how I was acting was building something in the dark that would eventually get me and maybe you too ... and maybe eventually Roman. I knew I needed to stop building the monsters because there are enough real life monsters in the world. I know I can be one of those monsters in the dark but that's between me and you when you are old enough to understand though I sorta kinda hope you never have to understand about that part of it. But I promised you I'd be honest and that's just the way it is. So I decided. For your sake and Roman's I needed to pull my big girl panties on and do something besides shake and shiver just because it was dark, to stop worrying about things I couldn't change, and to get strong in case the other monsters tried to win again.